Xen Update

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Xen
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Xen Update

Postby Xen » Thu May 05, 2016 3:54 am

I have been dealing with serious illness for about 2 1/2 years now, with a re-diagnosis last year moving it to a stage where I honestly don't know what the future holds for me.

This year I was being stubborn and trying to get everyday life things done. Things I enjoyed and could indulge in once upon a time, only for another development to knock me down so hard I'm just about getting back up and coherent.

This war will continue, until as such time as I "check out" or "win" and get my like back. I'm not one for melodrama and am a very private person, but the reason for this post is due to the number of PM's and e-mails I have in my Inbox waiting to be answered. I don't want to make my condition real by going into detail, but neither do I want to continue saying I'm just ill.

I look, read, try to have it all sink in, but apart from physical problems, the mental side has somewhat switched off due to chronic stress, fear, panic, and is now in a self-preservation mode.

I plan on trying to best to chip away at the PM's and e-mails, as it provides a much needed distraction. However, they might be delayed. If I can get some projects done, then that would be good too. I know it's going to be somewhat staggered though.

I'm not one for being publicly open about situations like this. I'm a very private person, but felt this was the best way to let those I'm dealing with know that I am not ignoring them and will reply as soon as I can. Also, to let the community know at least something.

If you have a problem with the group build or other forum related matters please contact Scotchyn. He will be more than happy to help out, or pass the problem over to me to handle when I can.

I reiterate that my main reason for this thread is to let the 12/13 people (and others that may wish to contact me) know why I am not going to reply or help as quickly as I normally do. I pride myself on getting back to people promptly, but this has finally beaten the stubbornness out of me.

What that means is once again projects and forum matters have to be put back on the shelf. I will no doubt dabble and try, but this feels like gone way beyond my endurance level. I will no doubt find out sooner or later.

I expect so-so days where things might get done and brutal days where I am out of commission. So, if you suddenly see me reply and all seems well, just assume I've been lucky enough to get a little window to escape from RL for my mental health's sake as much as anything else. I don't want that to mislead people by coming across as "normal" one minute and messed up and/or awol the next minute.

Thank you for your understanding. I welcome all good wishes and prayers, because as it stands, although I'm not religious as such, I'll take any genuinely good vibes and good luck I can get right now. If even 10% of the community sent good vibes my way, maybe that might tip the balance in my favor? I'll try anything at this point.

I hope that you continue to enjoy our little community. Kratok, Scotchyn and I worked hard in the beginning to provide a nice little Trek site where people felt welcome. Since then the community took over and made it there own. Self-moderating for the most part, without drama or other ugliness. To this day I still find the thought of that very cool. So many other communities struggle with that same ugliness, even with an army of Mod's.


My sincerest thanks to all members, donors, contributors and frequent visitors.
Xen

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MEATLOAFr
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Re: Xen Update

Postby MEATLOAFr » Thu May 05, 2016 11:37 am

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Keep fighting, never surrender


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If the world ends tomorrow, it's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

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TrekMD
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Re: Xen Update

Postby TrekMD » Thu May 05, 2016 2:00 pm

Sorry to learn about your health issues. You need to do what you need to go to get well. So, keep at it! :)
Medicus ad astra, non laedant...
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Moongrim
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Re: Xen Update

Postby Moongrim » Thu May 05, 2016 2:45 pm

I can grok completely the frustration in doing things. All in all.
There are Times, Sir, when men of good Conscience cannot blindly follow orders. You acknowledge their sentience, but ignore their personal liberties and freedoms. Order a man to hand over his child to the state? Not while I"m captain.
- J.L.Picard.

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Kratok
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Re: Xen Update

Postby Kratok » Sun May 15, 2016 1:55 pm

I know how hard it was for you to post this.

I am thinking about you, my friend, even if I am not here as much to verbalize it. Sincere wishes that things start to improve. You are WAY overdue.

Hang in there.
All the best, as always.

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Del
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Re: Xen Update

Postby Del » Sun May 15, 2016 2:48 pm

Keeping you in my thoughts too. I'm hoping things reverse and allow to think about normal life again.
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el gato
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Re: Xen Update

Postby el gato » Sun May 15, 2016 3:43 pm

Same here. Keep giving it all that you've got just to move forward. If you can't run, walk. If you can't walk, crawl. And if you can't crawl you've got your friends who will help you move forward
RogueWolf wrote:I've sacrificed many dozens (maybe even hundreds) of gummy bears to the dark modeling gods to grant me my wish... but I fear my offerings only amuse them, not appease them.

shiftdel
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Re: Xen Update

Postby shiftdel » Mon May 16, 2016 10:37 am

My best wishes for you Xen; keep fighting, never give up, take your time and try to enjoy the life as much as you can.


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